When I left Wesleyan 3 years ago, my life felt like it was ending.
I lost a lot of people - family and friends. I went back to a home where my mom was struggling to feed us and failing too often. My dad wasn’t cognizant of me or anything real. I didn’t know if I’d be able to get a job to help my mom and myself, much less finish college….
I managed it a year later. Yet, even after I graduated college, I didn’t feel empowered. My dad disappeared. I was still working the part-time shit job I had before getting my degree. I felt alone and useless. I was depressed and my anxiety was the worst it had ever been. I felt like I was losing my mind. Then my dad died and…I finally grew up.
It was like losing half of my security blanket. I knew I had to make my own life better. I was running out of time. So, I drew up a real resume. I got a job working for the state and supplemented my income by still working part-time at my old job. I moved on to a real IT position and I could finally live on my own, take care of my mom and save for myself.
I’m moving to Chicago in a week. It’s been a long time coming, but Sue and I saved over 6 thousand for the journey. It took 7 different interviews, but I have my first salaried position at an IT firm in downtown Chicago with grown-up things like stock options, a 401k, and bonuses (the kegs in the break room don’t hurt). I’ll have education benefits and a chance to really get my career going.
All I’m really trying to say is that my life didn’t end. I thought I lost everything, but now I realize that sometimes you need to hit bottom. As much as it hurt, I don’t think I would’ve come this far and so quickly. All the poisonous people and behaviors have been sucked out of my life…
…And it’s the perfect time to start appreciating my future instead of drowning myself in nostalgia. That’s why I’m not coming back here anymore.
It’s been real tumblr, but this is my last post. This place was meant for a different Liz.
Take care everyone and thanks for listening.